My complaint about Calvinism :)

A bit of fun today. If you want to complain a bit, but you are too lazy to write, go to this site:
www.pakin.org/complaint and put the name of someone or something you want to bash a bit :)
I took my chances at Calvinism, because I am Reformed and you know this is a prank, right?

"There are a number of things I could have chosen to write about in this letter. I could have chosen to write about how when workable solutions to a problem elude you, sometimes it helps to weed out organizations like Calvinism that have deceived, betrayed, and exploited us. Or I might have chosen to write something about the way that its attempts to spoil the whole Zen Buddhist New Age mystical rock-worshipping aura of our body chakras will earn it automatic membership in Satan's inner circle. But, instead, I've decided to devote this entire letter to explaining how Calvinism's initiatives are not just about nativism but also about paternalism. First things first: If we are powerless to shield people from Calvinism's jaundiced and rotten deceptions, it is because we have allowed Calvinism to threaten national security. I am certain that if I asked the next person I meet if he would want Calvinism to usher in the rule of the Antichrist and the apocalyptic end times, he would say no. Yet we all stand idly by while Calvinism claims that venom-spouting smut peddlers have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us.

Let us postulate that Calvinism's mentality reminds me of the stereotypical bureaucrat who cannot function unless he can "find it in the manual". In that case, Calvinism is careless with data, makes all sorts of causal interpretations of things without any real justification, has a way of combining disparate ideas that don't seem to hang together, seems to show a sort of pride in its own biases, gets into all sorts of bookish speculation, and then makes no effort to test out its speculations -- and that's just the short list! Calvinism once heard a treacherous rotter say, "Calvinism has the authority to issue licenses for practicing militarism." What's amazing is that Calvinism was then able to use that single quotation plus some anecdotal evidence to convince its trucklers that the moon is made of green cheese, which makes me wonder, "What provoked it to extract obscene salaries and profits from corporations that deprive people of dignity and autonomy?" Well, I'm sure Calvinism would rather put the prisoners in charge of running the prison than answer that particular question. Don't be intimidated by Calvinism's threat to take away our sense of community and leave us morally adrift. Calvinism can't help it; it just loves to carve out space in the mainstream for insensate politics. Calvinism sees all the evidence, but it is reluctant to accept the conclusion that by comparing today to even ten years ago and projecting the course we're on, I'd say we're in for an even more execrable, impolitic, and perverted society, all thanks to Calvinism's notions.

If Calvinism would abandon its name-calling and false dichotomies it would be much easier for me to make an impartial and well-informed evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages of Calvinism's excuses. When was the last time you heard Calvinism mention that its scare tactics are counterproductive to society? Probably never. That's why it has certainly never given evidence of thinking extensively. Or at all, for that matter. Now for some parting advice: Look at the facts. Analyze the arguments. Think about the motives of the people who are telling you that Calvinism can ignite a maelstrom of opportunism and get away with it. And have confidence in yourself. Remember, those who waste hours and hours in fruitless conferences and meetings do us all a great injustice."