Seeking perfection

What is this perfection we seek and never find?
A long and painful conversation, talking about priorities, sideways, what is important, how to do our best, how to understand the other person.
I want to drink from the fountain of Truth, full time, mouthful, and nothing else satisfies me, really. Until I realize, which happens every day, that life is here and now, too, in the form of children, husband and duties. Lovely duties, but still duties, and I wonder...
My greatest dream was to have this family, and now finding the balance in living ordinary life and delighting in God is so very hard to achieve.
How shall I order my own time to be able to preserve and keep my priorities straight? My number one is my faith, but number one is also my family, and I must admit that I was not able to give it the number one status lately. Sure - everything was smooth and well, but my heart was not there as much as it should have been. I put my needs on top of others, hoping for their understanding and applaud. But when I look at it now, and "now" is 1 a.m. with my family asleep, I can see my mistake. Alas, but I still cannot see the solution!
Jesus said that we have to love God first, and all the rest will be given to us. Is it maybe so that I do not love God? Or that my love for God is not big enough? Or, that in my all-consuming pursuit after God I lost my engagement to my family?
I can see my mistakes... Communion with Saints is a delight, and I choose it much too often over the communion with the one person who is entitled to my company - because it is suddenly very hard, and because human love gets very pale in comparison to the Love of God.
Is it pride? Self-righteousness? Have I become so absorbed with myself that nothing else matters? And yet, how can I not be absorbed by my new nature?
I suppose these are some very usual questions coming to many Christians, especially in the spiritually unyoked marriages...
Dear Lord, please give me the wisdom of discernment, the strength of commitment, and the gentleness of love. The weight of sin shadows my sight and my goal. Let me see clearly, let me spread my love more fairly. In Jesus name, Amen.